Parenting isn’t easy and comes with a fair load of challenges. However, I never thought that one of those challenges would be dealing with separation anxiety.
It is not uncommon for parents to fear for the safety of their child when they have to be left in someone else’s care. When I say someone else, this could anyone that isn’t you. Questions like, ‘Will they be able to soothe the baby like I do?’ or ‘Will they follow my instructions?’ often come to mind. Especially, if one or both parents were let down by their own caretakers as children and the trauma associated with it still lingers in their minds. This is extremely difficult to deal with.
To tell yourself that it’s okay, is not easy. My current fear is of letting baby be alone with anyone. I like having her just a few feet away from me. That way, I can run to her whenever she needs me. I know exactly what she wants and how she wants it. Whether it’s a cuddle or just some entertainment!
The thought of someone else looking after her and not following my instructions is terrifying. I am so very distressed right now. Don’t get me wrong, I have been brave and left my girl with her grandparents for an hour or two before. But after that, I’ve had to silently deal with nightmares and upset within myself for days on end afterwards. Some parents feel okay with letting their children stay away from them just a couple of months after birth due to choice or necessity, I wish I was that brave. At the same time, I don’t see a need to let my baby be away from me.
Tomorrow, I will be leaving her for nearly 4 hours and it’s been getting me worked up for days. I hate myself for leaving her. I love my girl, and that’s all she deserves. Love.
I know she’ll be in good hands tomorrow but I really can’t help being upset. I don’t ever want to be separated from my girl. Not until she’s old enough to do things away from me. Like going to nursery or school. Plus, I can go full on momma bear on nurseries or schools if anything goes remotely wrong.
Wish me luck, I’ll try to keep strong.
Bonita Bennett 