There has been a lot of discussion recently about children, social media and the proposed ban on under-16s using social media in the UK. Whether it happens or not, it has made me think about something many parents are already noticing.
The pressure our children face is very different to the pressure we faced growing up.
Recently, Eloise has become fascinated by squishies. Not because she constantly asks for them, because she doesn’t. In fact, she’s usually quite content with what she has. What I’ve noticed instead is that she notices them. She spots them in shops, talks about which ones her friends have and gets excited when she sees a new one.
The funny thing is that I don’t think it’s really about the squishies.
It’s about belonging. It’s about fitting in.
And it’s about one of the biggest modern childhood challenges facing children today.
Modern Childhood Challenges Look Different
When I was growing up, comparison mostly happened in the playground.
If someone had the latest toy, fashionable trainers or a new game, you noticed it while you were at school. Then you went home and carried on with your life. There wasn’t a constant stream of trends, influencers and opinions following you everywhere you went.
Today’s children are growing up in a world that moves much faster. Even children who don’t have access to social media are exposed to trends through friends, YouTube, advertising and conversations at school. New crazes seem to appear overnight and disappear just as quickly.
These modern childhood challenges aren’t necessarily harder than the challenges previous generations faced. They are simply different. However, they require a different kind of support from us as parents.
Wanting Things Isn’t The Problem
One thing I’ve become very conscious of is not making Eloise feel guilty for wanting things.
After all, adults want things too.
We see a beautiful dress, a new gadget, a holiday destination or something for our home and suddenly we’re imagining what life would be like with it. Children are no different.
The challenge isn’t stopping our children from wanting things. Instead, it’s helping them understand why they want them.
Sometimes Eloise wants something because it genuinely brings her joy. You can tell because she continues talking about it long after everyone else has moved on. Other times, the excitement seems to come from the fact that everyone around her is talking about it.
Both feelings are completely normal.
Helping Children Understand Peer Pressure
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a parent is that peer pressure rarely starts with children trying to be difficult.
More often, it starts with children wanting to belong.
Friendships matter deeply to children. Feeling included matters. Being part of the group matters. Therefore, when children notice that everyone else has something, what they’re often noticing is that they don’t want to feel left out.
Once I understood that, my conversations with Eloise changed.
Rather than focusing on the item itself, I became more interested in the feeling underneath it. Was she excited? Curious? Worried about missing out? Interested because her friends liked it?
Understanding the emotion behind the desire often tells me much more than the desire itself.
Building Confidence In A Different World
Many modern childhood challenges come back to one thing: confidence.
Not confidence in the sense of being the loudest child in the room or winning every competition. Instead, confidence in knowing who you are and what matters to you.
The world will always have trends. There will always be something new, something popular and something everyone seems to want. That was true when we were children and it’s true now.
The difference is that today’s children are exposed to those influences more often and at a younger age.
As parents, we can’t remove every influence from their lives. However, we can help them build a strong enough sense of self that they aren’t completely defined by those influences.
Raising Children Who Know Themselves
One of the messages we try to reinforce at home is that it’s okay to like things.
It’s okay to enjoy collecting something.
It’s okay to be excited about a trend.
What matters is understanding why.
Would you still like it if nobody else had one?
Does it genuinely make you happy?
Does it feel like something you enjoy or something you feel you should enjoy?
These aren’t questions we ask every day, but they are ideas that find their way into conversations from time to time.
The more I think about modern childhood challenges, the more I believe our role isn’t to stop our children wanting things. Instead, it’s helping them understand themselves.
Because confidence isn’t built by never feeling pressure.
Confidence is built by knowing who you are despite the pressure.
And yes, sometimes I buy Eloise the squishy.
Not because everyone else has one.
Not because she needs it.
But because sometimes a squishy is just a squishy, and sometimes it genuinely brings joy.
The important part is helping her learn the difference.
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A printable activity designed to help children think about their choices, understand peer pressure and explore the difference between wanting something and needing something.
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