I know, I know. Mother’s Day has already come and gone this year, so what’s the point of this post? Well, I am hoping some parent to be in the future will see this in time to avoid having an upset new Mum on their hands. Not just a new Mum to be honest, all mums.
Let’s start with my personal story as a lesson to all the fathers/partners out there.
If you’ve read my blog, you know all about my 8 years long journey to becoming a mother. If not, the previous sentence should give you a sense of how long it has taken for me to finally celebrate Mother’s Day as a mother. I have excitedly waited for this day for most of my life. A day to celebrate motherhood 💕
So, on this auspicious day, I hoped I would get my first Mother’s Day card, maybe some flowers and a small gift. Or even better, a day or a few hours to myself. Although, I would probably want to spend the said few hours with my baby anyway, it’s the thought that counts. Either way, I was hoping for a teeny weeny fuss over my accomplishment on the day and I had very low expectations to avoid disappointment. Instead, what did I get?
I woke up on Mother’s Day and after a while of doing the usual (waking up with baby throughout the night for feeds/nappy changes etc.) I had to force my husband to wish me ‘Happy Mother’s Day’. This alone hurt my feelings. To know that my husband didn’t even bother wishing me but had already wished his mum. It’s not like he forgot what day it was.
I sat back down on the bed with my baby and hoped for, maybe a toast in bed (forget pancakes, that’s only in dreams for me) as again, I kept my expectations low. But having been alive in this day and age, he has bound to have heard of Dads celebrating the day on behalf of their children who are too young to make Mummy a card or breakfast.
When I didn’t get anything, I skipped breakfast altogether and carried on with my daily routine. All throughout the day there was something inside me hoping my husband would suddenly turn around and present me with a card or bunch of flowers or something! Alas, nothing happened. As we got into the evening, I had emotionally burnt myself out and couldn’t hold my hurt any longer and burst out crying as soon as I was alone. There was so much hurt inside me, I couldn’t hold on anymore. All the wait, to celebrate my first Mother’s Day in tears. I haven’t been so upset and hurt in a long time.
When my husband queried what was wrong (he finally came downstairs after hearing me bawling my eyes out) I told him I expected better from my first Mother’s Day. Considering we had discussed that we would celebrate it while I was pregnant last year. I conveyed my feelings to him. Instead of an apology, I was reminded that it was somehow my fault for not celebrating the day and that he didn’t have anything to do with it. Yep, it was my fault.
Guys, when a day passes, we can never have it back. Unless you have time machine. In that case, I’m really happy for you.
Now, this is the memory I will have of my first Mother’s Day. There’s a part of me that hates myself for wishing. I may have been wrong for hoping that my husband would spend the day or a few minutes that day, thinking about me and thanking me for being a good Mum. I would have been happy with a big hug and a kiss to celebrate the day. Instead, I will forever be reminded of my first’s Mother’s Day and how awful an experience it was. It’s made me very bitter. In case you didn’t gather that by reading the post so far.
Note – my husband did get me flowers the next day to apologise and I graciously received them. But the damage has already been done and there’s no turning back for me. I’ll never get that day back. Instead, I am bound to get some stick for talking about my hurt so publicly on my blog.
Right. Now that you’ve read my sob story, I hope you’ve learnt how important it is to remember all the mothers in your life on such a day. Not just your own mother, but the mother to your child as well. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do something. If you can’t afford a present, give her the gift of time. Run her a bath with candle lights and the whole shebang. An hour or two all to herself, where she can just enjoy some personal time. Once a year, that’s not much to hope for, is it? Especially if Mum spends all year looking after everyone else, surely an hour or a few minutes on a single day isn’t too bad to give to her, right? Before I hear some men outside my door with pitchforks whining about us women having a day to celebrate motherhood, don’t forget you have a day to celebrate fatherhood too!
So, dearest Dads/partners, dont f**k this up. Even if she’s pregnant, celebrate the damn day. Give her a nice speech declaring your love, if nothing else. Do something. Or forever be the jerk who didn’t deliver.